Everyone at some point in life has experienced times of trying to blend in with the people around them instead of being their true authentic selves. But for autistic people, this experience can be an everyday reality.
Many autistic people feel like they have to hide their autistic traits to fit in with the people around them — a practice that can come with significant mental and relational consequences. By understanding autistic masking and its benefits and consequences, autistic people can gain insights into their masking behaviors and decide whether unmasking is a journey they want to take.
Here, we’ll dive into what masking is, signs you may be masking, and tips for managing the impacts of masking and starting to unmask your true autistic self.
What Is Autistic Masking?
In general, to “mask” means to hide certain parts of yourself around others to better fit in with the people around you, as though you’re wearing a mask that others see when they look at you. They don’t see the real you, they see the mask you’re wearing.
Most people mask at certain points in their lives, whether or not they are autistic. It’s a common strategy we develop as humans to try to fit in and connect with the people around us, especially if we are in an unfamiliar setting. However, autistic masking in particular is much more long-lasting and can have detrimental effects on autistic people.
Am I Masking? 12 Signs You May Be Experiencing Autistic Masking
Autistic masking is basically hiding our true selves to better fit in with allistic (non-autistic) culture.
Autistic masking might look like:
- Monitoring your word choices and tone of voice
- Forcing yourself to make eye contact when it feels uncomfortable
- Suppressing stimming behaviors or switching to stims that aren’t obvious to others, such as biting your lip or moving your toes
- Mirroring other people’s facial expressions or behaviors such as laughter
- Planning in advance what you want to say in a social situation, also known as “scripting”
- Holding back from sharing things that interest you
- Dressing like the people around you
- Hiding your reactions to sensory sensitivities such as bright lights or loud noises
- Copying people’s tone of voice
- Shutting down and withdrawing from the conversation completely, appearing shy and aloof
- People-pleasing and going against your natural instincts
- Pretending to follow along in a conversation
Again, everyone masks to some extent to fit into unfamiliar groups and social situations. However, if you find many of the masking symptoms above resonate with you much of the time across social situations, and you relate to many of the symptoms of autism, you may be experiencing autistic masking in particular.
Why Do Autistic People Mask?
Autistic people may mask for many reasons. Many of us started to mask as a child after receiving subconscious feedback that we are different from the people around us, or maybe we were outwardly shunned or bullied by others.
Some of the common reasons autistic people mask include:
- To be accepted by others and form/maintain friendships and relationships
- To avoid inconveniencing or annoying others
- To avoid social rejection or bullying
- To cope in group settings such as in school or in the workplace
- To hide their discomfort in social settings or other overwhelming situations
- To prevent awkward social interactions
- To build confidence in social situations
- As a subconscious coping strategy
At its core, autistic masking is a way for us to “chameleon” ourselves and blend in with a society that may not otherwise accept us.
In addition, many autistic people who are part of marginalized groups may mask for their own safety, as additional challenges like sexism and racism come into play. For example, it’s thought that autistic women and girls may be more likely to mask than men due to navigating gender stereotypes of the “appropriate” way for girls to behave.
Impacts of Masking on Autistic People
Masking obviously has several benefits — there’s a reason countless autistic people use masking as a coping strategy that allows them to build relationships, keep jobs and stay safe in social situations. However, the psychological and emotional toll of masking on autistic people can be detrimental.
Masking your true self, constantly monitoring yourself and your environment, and suppressing your natural tendencies like stimming can lead to psychological effects such as:
- Autistic meltdowns or shutdowns
- Little sense of knowing who you are
- Vulnerability to abuse and manipulation as you force yourself to go along with what others want
- Mental health issues such as depression anxiety
- Increased risk of self-harm and suicidal ideation
- Poor self-esteem
- Feeling like others don’t know the real you
- Exhaustion and autistic burnout
Apart from the psychological and emotional toll of masking, masking can also hinder autistic people from getting support or from being seen as valid in some autistic spaces. Many autistic content creators talk about the comments they receive by caregivers of autistic people who don’t believe in their autism diagnosis because they appear too “normal.”
Further, someone’s own family or care professionals might not believe seeking an autism diagnosis is warranted because they don’t regularly witness any stereotypical signs of autism.
7 Tips to Unmask as an Autistic Person
Masking allows many of us to better feel like we fit in with neurotypical peers and colleagues, and it can even be an important safety measure for certain situations or groups. However, continually masking clearly has detrimental effects on autistic people when we don’t take the time to care for ourselves and practice unmasking strategies.
The consequences of masking are clear. However, learning to unmask and care for your true autistic self is possible. The following are some strategies to help you unmask as an autistic person.
1. Learn to Love Your Autistic Uniqueness
Masking may have become an unconscious coping strategy you’ve built up after years of being bullied, ostracized, ignored or just feeling “other.” Now that you’re on a journey towards learning more about yourself, ask yourself if this strategy is still serving you.
Start by being more conscious about recognizing when you’re masking. Maybe you want to start a journal that you remind yourself to write in every few hours about how you’re feeling in different situations or with different people. You can even just check in with yourself when you’re talking to someone or in a social setting — ask yourself if there’s any behaviors you’re trying to avoid or any mannerisms or ways of communicating you’re trying to suppress in that moment. Be a curious outside observer of your thoughts and actions.
When you’re alone, try examining your behaviors even more closely. Maybe when checking in with yourself, you realize you’re biting your nails or pulling your hair without realizing it. Use that time to try different non-harmful stims such as a roller or sensory brush. Or try spinning in circles or rocking back and forth or humming your favorite song as loud as you can. Use your heightened awareness to acknowledge your needs and see what feels best for your body and mind.
During those moments, try not to pass judgment on how you might look to other people. Only focus on what movements or words make you feel more grounded, regulated and at peace. Over time, you may even find yourself feeling more comfortable with these needs and wanting to incorporate more regulatory strategies when you’re around others, without worrying as much about how you might appear.
2. Have a Support System in Place
Even if you’ve already learned to embrace your autistic self when alone, we’ve all faced social situations where we feel like masking is necessary. It’s vital during these times to have a plan already in place for how you’ll recover afterwards to avoid the more long-term effects that masking can bring about.
Your support plan might include activities such as the following after a taxing social situation:
- Journaling after arriving home, and placing your journal and a favorite pen in a convenient location ahead of time
- Napping or taking a relaxing bath
- Making sure your home will be clean and quiet when you return
- Having your favorite show or movie ready to go on a streaming service or in your DVD player
- Changing into your favorite comfortable clothing
- Listening to a favorite song on repeat to regulate yourself
- Having your favorite snack waiting for you on the counter when you arrive
Block out time ahead of time on your schedule after a planned social situation or gathering so you ensure you have adequate time to regulate yourself.
Further, if you currently have one or more people you feel comfortable being a more unmasked version of yourself around — whether that be a caregiver, a parent, a partner or a friend — consider asking for help enacting this plan. For example, you may ask your partner to be alert for signs of dysregulation and initiate an exit from the social situation. Or, you may tell a close friend that you’ll be entering a stressful social situation soon and ask them to come over afterwards to watch your favorite show until you feel more regulated.
You might even consider writing down steps to your support plan in a binder or journal for future reference or for your support network to help you enact.
3. Embrace Intense Interests and Passions
Many autistic people have intense passions and interests. People describe these passions, also known as special interests, as things they could spend all their free time doing, or things that build them up in a world that constantly tears them down. If you have any particular passions that build up your energy, these can be a vital part of your self-care and unmasking routine.
It may be helpful to set aside regular time for your passions in the same way you might set aside time for a visit with a friend — as a commitment that you’re scheduled to keep. This consistency ensures your routine isn’t disrupted by other plans and that you’re not neglecting the things that revitalize you.
4. Join Neurodivergent Communities
What better way to unmask than with other autistic individuals on their own unmasking journeys? Many autistic people find particular value in joining spaces designed solely for other autistic people, as they often find acceptance and understanding there in a way that even the best neurotypical support systems can’t always provide.
Autism communities are available for all age groups, genders or life situations. For example, I’ve seen autism support groups specifically for autistic young adults, autistic women, autistic individuals struggling with addiction, or generally all neurodivergent people in a given city.
While many of these communities meet in person, you can also find online groups such as Discord servers or Reddit groups that may be more accessible for many autistic people such as those with social anxiety or those who are non-speaking and who prefer to communicate virtually.
5. Build Strong Social Circles
Regardless of whether you choose to join a specifically neurodivergent community, give intentional thought to the people currently in your social circle with your autistic needs in mind. Does anyone come to mind who makes you feel ostracized or “other” when you start to stim, or who makes fun of the way you talk, or who you otherwise especially feel like you can’t be your real self around? If anyone comes to mind, consider whether they’re truly someone you should consider close or who you should spend your limited time and energy with.
Of course, completely cutting a judgmental or non-autism-affirming person out of your life can be easier said than done, and it may not always be possible if the person is a family member or coworker. However, when you can, try to limit time around these people when you can and instead use your valuable time on your own learning more about yourself or spending time with people who build you up rather than tear you down.
6. Seek Professional Guidance
Getting help is a crucial part of the unmasking journey. A professional such as a therapist or psychologist can help you manage any mental health struggles that have come from a life of masking your autistic self, and they can give you outside advice and perspective to help you unmask and learn to love your autistic self.
Consider looking for a therapist who are themselves neurodivergent, as these professionals often have the most personal understanding of what you’re experiencing. Otherwise, look for a professional who is either well-versed in autism and autistic experiences already or who is willing to learn your unique learning and communication styles.
7. Let Go of Internalized Ableism
Finally, as you continue in your unmasking journey, you’re likely to uncover internalized ableist ideas about how you “should” act, look or talk, which can lead to intense feelings of shame. It’s crucial to combat these shameful feelings by knowing and accepting your real self.
When you find yourself feeling the need to act “normal,” challenge these feelings by reminding yourself that this coping strategy is not serving you. You are doing your future self a favor by lessening your reliance on a coping method that was built to make the people around you comfortable while proving detrimental to your autistic self. Think of unmasking as an act of self-care and an investment in your future health and wellness.
Autistic Masking and the Journey Towards Autism Acceptance
In an ideal world, autistic people wouldn’t have to mask to be understood and accepted by the people around them. However, many autistic people experience a lifetime of masking to fit in with their peers and maintain relationships. As we learn to recognize masking and embrace the differences of ourselves or our autistic loved ones, more autistic people will be able to be unapologetically themselves and gain the support they need to thrive.
The Everyday Autistic 
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